At The Gym

NTDL #50 – ReFLEXtion

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, is my bicep the biggest of all?!
It’s funny. Mirrors at gyms seem to make people do things that they would never do in any other public setting.
I’m not even talking about the classic mirror selfie in a private space:

I am talking about lifting up your shirt in public to check if your abs are still there…

Or doing a tricep flex, then trap shrug…just to assure yourself that after that super-set, you are indeed related to Bruce Banner.

doucchebaggymmeme

Is there something in the air? It’s as though public common courtesy of being modest (to harmless strangers who don’t actually care about your max bench…which is probably pretty impressive…they should care) just went right out the window! But rather than the window, it went into the mirror. Now your reFLEXtion can  be critically analyzed by yourself (but who is kidding, you are beautiful) AND be praised by all of those lesser beings who choose to wear full pieces of clothing and use normal water bottles instead of wearing cut-offs and using shaker-cups.

All that being said…flex away! If I could wash my clothes on a personal six back, I would probably being lifting my shirt up all the time too! Actually, I would probably forgo clothing all together.

NTDL #28: Do single dumbbell forearm curls in the weight room

Okay, so there are some pretty awkward movements and motions one can do in the weight room.

1. Lots of bending over

2. Lots of thrusting

3. Lots of grunting (well…those certain loud dudes, every gym has one or two)

That being said, most people with a certain level of maturity (not me) won’t think twice when they see someone doing these strength exercises. BUT the one thing I think we can all agree on is…

Forearm curls are just – awkward.

It’s just…how can someone walk by a guy doing single dumbbell forearm curls and not have their mind flood with inappropriate comments?

I can’t. No matter how many times I see it.

I will always find it funny.

I refuse to be the bigger person and move past it.

And TRUST ME, I have seen some peculiar things in the gym…I have even had to do some weird things…but I swear nothing is more hilariously distracting than a guy focusing 110% (squinting, taut lips) on himself raising and lowering his wrist 40 degrees with a 10-20lb weight.

Now with that image in mind…have a great day 🙂

NTDL #20: The Male-Female Chest Bump

In the heat of the moment, the adrenaline is high…you shoot…you score!!! Your co-ed basketball team just won the inter-mural championships. You are comfortable with your teammates so naturally you partake in celebratory gestures!!! Yay for high-fives!!! Yay for fist pumps!!! Yay for the ever-classic chest bump!!…

But don’t do it.

Trust me. Don’t do it.

But he/she is running up to you and you are both super excited, you both have a slight hesitation right before your feet leave the ground BUT you go for it anyways!

What you think you are going to look like:

What really happens…

Going through the guy’s head: Don’t jump too high, oh shit I just jumped too high…and yes her boobs were just shoved into my ribs.

Going through the girl’s head: Jump as high as you can, oh shit I can’t jump very high…damn I just rubbed my boobs on his ribs.

AWKWARD.

…walk away.

NTDL #15: Workout and not sweat

Either my pores are some kind of super-sweaty-hybrid OR that girl over there on the elliptical isn’t working hard enough.

How does one go to the gym and not sweat?! Doesn’t that completely defeat the purpose?!

I’ve seen guys do it too, but when girls start a workout looking all perfect and then leave looking the exact same…that just defies all laws of “working-out”. Yes there are laws.

Law #1: heart-rate up

Law #2: sweat

Law #3: there are only 2 (I did my research)

YOU! Yes you. Miss “I’m going to find my future husband at the gym” are making all of us sweaty females look like grotesque unhygienic neanderthals (no over-exaggeration I swear).

Anywho, the moral of this sad tale? If I see you cruising on level 2 not sweating and bopping your head around, flirting with the TV screen on your machine…

 

 

NTDL #12: Wear grey shorts to the gym

And I’m talking more specifically…grey COTTON shorts. They trap sweat like nothing I have ever seen before. Like…like…water to a sponge, like a fat kid to chocolate cake, like binge drinking to a university student, like my attention span to shiny things…

I’m not going to show a picture, but if I could transmit the permanently engrained image that I have in my mind of the unavoidably obvious sweaty nether-regions of men on the squatting racks…I would…but I can’t. It’s branded into my brain. Oh the things I’d rather imagine. Butterflies…rainbows…kittens…SWEAT-STAINED-GREY-COTTEN-SHORTS-MAN-BENDING-OVER-ahhhhhh!!!

Okay. You get the point. Must take my mind elsewhere…where’s that half empty bottle of…”water”?