In Your Head

this not-to-do is all mental

NTDL #45: Pockets. Friend or Foe?

Like friends, pockets come in all shapes and sizes.

They always seem to be there to lend a helping hand.

But if you think about it, does your pocket want what is best for you? Are they actually always there for you? Or do they pick when the time is the most convenient for them and their busy pocketing schedule?

Digest that pocketing conundrum.

Seriously though, when was the last time you threw something into a pocket and easily found it the next time you went to go find it? I know some of you are thinking I am crazy, but the people who are thinking that are clutter freaks and keep all pockets organized like every other aspect of their lives (I’m bitter because I’m jealous, don’t take it personally).

Pocket Scenarios:

The Clean Pocket: Only time I ever find the pockets of my backpack/coat/purse clean are when…

  1. I have to catch a flight therefore I must check all pockets and empty them of liquids and sharp things – so I obviously end up emptying them completely. 
  2. I get SO fed up with carrying around SO much extra useless stuff that I “might” need, or I needed at some point in the past four months, that I purge everything completely. Bam! Taking control of my life one pocket cleanse at a time.

The Magnetic Pocket:

Scenario – So yesterday and I did a pocket cleanse. 2 days later = pocket-astrophy!! I go to return something at a store and…my head phones are tangled in a pair of earrings which have latched onto my soaking mittens that got my receipt wet that I need at this very instant. Did I mention that there was also a granola bar (I might get hungry), 3 nickels (I swear they are more useless than pennies) and a bobby pin (clutch find) in there as well.

Anyways. This pocket of mine asserts it’s agency in my life through collecting copious amounts of random stuff and wreaking havoc on anything it can get a hold of. Pocket, I hear you loud and clear! Just…maybe once…leave my headphones alone? They aren’t as nimble as they use to be. All those knots are really taking a toll.

The Disappearing Act:

I put my lip balm in my coat pocket five minutes ago. You ask if you can borrow it. I say no problem. My pocket disagrees. I look through my pocket…no lip balm. I look through it again…no lip balm. I empty out everything from that pocket…still nothing. I look in the other pocket and empty it…nothing. I go back to the original pocket…TA-DAHHH!!!! Magically appeared. Wow. There goes five minutes of my life.

Money Pocket:

You put on a pair of pants that you wore last week OR bring out your winter jacket that you haven’t worn in 8 months…reach in your pocket and…MONEY! I swear, no matter what happened to you the rest of the day, your spirits were definitely lifted. I think the luckiest I have been was finding $50. That find might have been followed by me sing/rapping “Make It Rain” because $50 puts me in the “not broke for the next 20 minutes” financial bracket.

“Who Needs a Wallet/Purse” Pocket:

Pant pockets (for girls) are very susceptible to having things fall out of them. We (mainly me) never learn. Going to the bars, running errands, just walking around in general – you need a convenient place to put your stuff. Debit, cash, ID, phone, top secret documents = jeans or hoodie pocket. I would include shirt pockets but those are only good for pens and pocket squares/handkerchiefs and I’m not in that phase of my life yet where I am in constant need of a pen and pocket square.

There is a Pocket in my Pocket Dear Liza, Dear Liza:

This is next level. Mainly found in winter jackets. Inside your pocket…there is ANOTHER pocket. This is useful for hiding things. But first of all, why are you hiding anything in your coat? This is also super dangerous for losing things. If it’s a magnetic/disappearing pocket…you are out numbered my friend. The pocket WILL win.

Lint Pocket:

There is nothing in your pocket except lint. You might think that “pocket lint” is a ancient pocket-myth but noooo. Those pieces of lint are alive and well and living in a very neglected pocket of yours.

Pick-Pocket:

A very vulnerable pocket. It somehow is always left unzipped or exposed. This could be a pocket on a pair of tight jeans or just the small pocket on your back pack you always forget to zip-up. Play safe, double check.

Prick-Pocket:

Putting something sharp in your pocket and forgetting. Maybe this is just me. I recommend…not putting scissors, tweezers, safety pins, nail clippers…in any kind of pocket. A lesson from me to you. Your hands will thank you later.

Okay. I had way more to say about pockets than I thought. Unofficial Not-To-Do: allow pocket range to stay suppressed for this long. I feel so relieved now. Anyways,

Have a great day!

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NTDL #39: Tell Secrets

Definition of secret:

adjective
not known or seen or not meant to be known or seen by others
Okay, now that we understand the definition, let’s get this out in the open. If you don’t want ANYONE to know…don’t tell anyone. Don’t write it down, don’t retell, recreate or produce anything that will make a duplicate of this “secret”.

I know I know, it’s hard. But if you genuinely want to keep something on the downlow, your lips have to be sealed. Whenever you tell someone something, you have to know they have that chronic condition called “human nature“. No, there is not a cure…but one of the many symptoms is gossiping and sharing information.

Person 1: “Promise you won’t tell anyone?”

Person 2: “I promise!”

LIES.

All lies.

You know why I know that this is a lie? Because we have all done it. Yes, you have too. Oh you haven’t? Well you should get your Denial checked out.

Anyways, we can’t keep our mouths shut. The thing is, if you need to talk to someone, talk to someone. If you need to let out your angst and emotions etc. talk to someone! Just be okay with the fact that someone else now holds that information and it is at their disposal. That’s life. I have told secrets, heard secrets, kept secrets and confided in others about someone else’s secrets. That’s the nature of the glorious grape vine we call human interaction.

So if you are ever feeling the urge to tell someone something (whether it be yours to tell or not) and you are having reservations about it…when in doubt…

I swear that shit solves everything.

NTDL #33: Hug Anxiety

Hugs. I could give handshakes and high-fives all day but…hugs. Everyone wants them. And don’t get me wrong! I love me a hug, but seriously, consider all of…

The Variables

1. When do you make the move for a hug? – upon approach, how long do you hold your arms up? a couple seconds away? what if they don’t do the same? do you just pretend you were stretching to the sky and then wipe the dirt off your shoulder?

2. How long do you hold it? – is their any significance to this?

3. Arms over or under? – this is vitally important, especially where height differences are concerned

OR

4. One arm over and one arm under? – is this just for bros?

5. How much space between bodies? – from a spectators point of view, this alone can characterize the relationship between the two people

6. Eye contact? do you make eye contact while leaning in for hug or just dive right in with blind inhibition?

Did I just increase your hug-anxiety significantly?

What I ask of you: The next time we decide on meeting up, let me know if you plan on us embracing so I can emotionally and mentally prepare myself. It would be much appreciated.

Originally from: http://www.graphics16.com/graphics/hugs/

NTDL #31 – Bad Characteristic Association

Sounds complicated. It’s not.

Everyone has been the victim as well as the culprit of B.C.A.

A “bad characteristic association” is when people who don’t know you BUT what to identify you to someone, call upon certain characteristics of your appearance or personality to point you out.

Example 1: “Hey you know that guy in our class? The one who wears those hipster glasses and talks really really loud?”

or

Example 2: “I swear I see that one girl everywhere, you know…the one who cakes on the makeup and wears clothing one size too small?”

Have you guys ever wondered what defining, instantaneous characteristic people use to define you? Whether it’s them seeing you for the first time or whether you are around each other a lot but have never interacted? It is such a fascinating phenomena.

Although this is on my NTDL, it is really something completely out of my control. I guess my ultimate goal will be for people to say a positive reference rather than a negative. I just hope people don’t associate me solely on my often un-brushed hair or sweat pant collection…

BUT if they do, no hard feelings here 🙂 I TRY to embrace my quirks, as should all of you!

It’s okay, you can be jealous of my well-groomed hair.

 

NTDL #10: Judge a book by it’s cover

Literally.

How many books have horrible covers but are really good OR how many books have super interesting covers but are horrible? (This is assuming that you read…I won’t hold it against you, but I might go out of my way to use big words when I talk to you, and possibly use obscure literary references)

Why can’t we just judge these literary creations based on their good or bad prose? Well thought out plot or awkward word choices? Rather than simply looking at them on the shelf and deeming them not worthy of our time…

Could what I am writing at this moment be a giant metaphor (also known as a conceit…thank you English major) for human interaction? It could be taken that way but I am totally serious. Some books just don’t have the marketing brilliance or graphic design that propel it into popularity. It shouldn’t be about that. It should be about “what’s inside”…

Wow, now this is starting to actually sound like it was purposefully intended to be a shot at social preconceived notions…but it wasn’t I swear.

Or was it?

NTDL #7: Be a negative “double-take”

Okay let me lay out a scenario for you.

You are walking down the street, whistling, minding your own business, observing the beauty and wonder that life has to offer. Amid the cyclist that just past you and the squirrel chase happening on the lawn yo your left…ALL OF A SUDDEN…a man with a long flowing beard and a long flowing skirt walks by. At first you just acknowledge him like any other person, but then you register what you saw and take a second look…

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This my friends is what I call the “negative double-take”

You aren’t looking at this person again because you really liked what you saw…you are clearly thrown off by their peculiar fashion sense or odor or whatever causes you to have judgmental, negative feedback.

It kind of makes you think mean things like, “Man, I wonder if they own a mirror” OR “That is just so wrong on so many levels” OR like me you slightly admire their self confidence…but only slightly.

I don’t like judging people this way but it’s a natural human reflex. I don’t care what any self-righteous, “I love everybody” type people have to say about it. We all do it whether it’s outwardly expressed or subconsciously suppressed.

So CHEERS to all the previous negative double-takes aimed at me and a virtual high-five to the many many more to come. I know it’s on the Not-To-Do List, but let’s be real…it’s kind of unavoidable.