Personal suggestions

Personal suggestions of not-to-do’s for myself…in case I forget

NTDL #45: Pockets. Friend or Foe?

Like friends, pockets come in all shapes and sizes.

They always seem to be there to lend a helping hand.

But if you think about it, does your pocket want what is best for you? Are they actually always there for you? Or do they pick when the time is the most convenient for them and their busy pocketing schedule?

Digest that pocketing conundrum.

Seriously though, when was the last time you threw something into a pocket and easily found it the next time you went to go find it? I know some of you are thinking I am crazy, but the people who are thinking that are clutter freaks and keep all pockets organized like every other aspect of their lives (I’m bitter because I’m jealous, don’t take it personally).

Pocket Scenarios:

The Clean Pocket: Only time I ever find the pockets of my backpack/coat/purse clean are when…

  1. I have to catch a flight therefore I must check all pockets and empty them of liquids and sharp things – so I obviously end up emptying them completely. 
  2. I get SO fed up with carrying around SO much extra useless stuff that I “might” need, or I needed at some point in the past four months, that I purge everything completely. Bam! Taking control of my life one pocket cleanse at a time.

The Magnetic Pocket:

Scenario – So yesterday and I did a pocket cleanse. 2 days later = pocket-astrophy!! I go to return something at a store and…my head phones are tangled in a pair of earrings which have latched onto my soaking mittens that got my receipt wet that I need at this very instant. Did I mention that there was also a granola bar (I might get hungry), 3 nickels (I swear they are more useless than pennies) and a bobby pin (clutch find) in there as well.

Anyways. This pocket of mine asserts it’s agency in my life through collecting copious amounts of random stuff and wreaking havoc on anything it can get a hold of. Pocket, I hear you loud and clear! Just…maybe once…leave my headphones alone? They aren’t as nimble as they use to be. All those knots are really taking a toll.

The Disappearing Act:

I put my lip balm in my coat pocket five minutes ago. You ask if you can borrow it. I say no problem. My pocket disagrees. I look through my pocket…no lip balm. I look through it again…no lip balm. I empty out everything from that pocket…still nothing. I look in the other pocket and empty it…nothing. I go back to the original pocket…TA-DAHHH!!!! Magically appeared. Wow. There goes five minutes of my life.

Money Pocket:

You put on a pair of pants that you wore last week OR bring out your winter jacket that you haven’t worn in 8 months…reach in your pocket and…MONEY! I swear, no matter what happened to you the rest of the day, your spirits were definitely lifted. I think the luckiest I have been was finding $50. That find might have been followed by me sing/rapping “Make It Rain” because $50 puts me in the “not broke for the next 20 minutes” financial bracket.

“Who Needs a Wallet/Purse” Pocket:

Pant pockets (for girls) are very susceptible to having things fall out of them. We (mainly me) never learn. Going to the bars, running errands, just walking around in general – you need a convenient place to put your stuff. Debit, cash, ID, phone, top secret documents = jeans or hoodie pocket. I would include shirt pockets but those are only good for pens and pocket squares/handkerchiefs and I’m not in that phase of my life yet where I am in constant need of a pen and pocket square.

There is a Pocket in my Pocket Dear Liza, Dear Liza:

This is next level. Mainly found in winter jackets. Inside your pocket…there is ANOTHER pocket. This is useful for hiding things. But first of all, why are you hiding anything in your coat? This is also super dangerous for losing things. If it’s a magnetic/disappearing pocket…you are out numbered my friend. The pocket WILL win.

Lint Pocket:

There is nothing in your pocket except lint. You might think that “pocket lint” is a ancient pocket-myth but noooo. Those pieces of lint are alive and well and living in a very neglected pocket of yours.

Pick-Pocket:

A very vulnerable pocket. It somehow is always left unzipped or exposed. This could be a pocket on a pair of tight jeans or just the small pocket on your back pack you always forget to zip-up. Play safe, double check.

Prick-Pocket:

Putting something sharp in your pocket and forgetting. Maybe this is just me. I recommend…not putting scissors, tweezers, safety pins, nail clippers…in any kind of pocket. A lesson from me to you. Your hands will thank you later.

Okay. I had way more to say about pockets than I thought. Unofficial Not-To-Do: allow pocket range to stay suppressed for this long. I feel so relieved now. Anyways,

Have a great day!

image

NTDL #32: Chew Gum Too Long

It varies between brands.

It depends on how big or small.

The style/approach you take to doing it matters.

Yup, you guessed it. I’m talking about a piece of gum and chewing it.

We’ve all been there. You put your gum in your mouth an hour, or even a few hours ago. You have been chewing away…even though the flavour is gone now…you keep on chewing.

BUT THEN the consistency starts to go weird. It gets all pasty in your mouth. AND of course, it’s at this exact moment that one of the following things happens:

1. M.I.A-Garbage-Can: You can’t for the life of you find a garbage can! They all ran away right when your gum problem started. Garbage cans can sense it I swear.

2. Friend-Run-In: You run into someone you know and an inevitably long conversation ensues. And if it is most cases, they are asking you a lot of questions making you talk a lot with this strange substance forming in your mouth.

3. Public Dilemma: You can’t find or make it to a bathroom and there are just lots of people around. You want to spit it out but it falls apart. Only clean option – swallow it (least healthy option…been there done that)

I don’t think I’m the only one who has been in this situation…if so…this NTD is a warning. It’s super awkward and nasty and makes you actually question what the heck gum is made of.

Anyways, chew away my friends! But remember, be safe and always come prepared…

…with a gum wrapper.

NTDL #27: Talk on a bluetooth earpiece while walking

Plain and simple…

You look schizophrenic.

I swear whenever I see people walking and talking and no one is around them and I can’t see their earpiece (which is always)…I just assume they are talking to themselves.

I’m not bashing self-talk by any means, a little self-talk is necessary for emotional stability. BUT that being said, when you use hand gestures and seem really deep in a debate…I’m just assuming you’ve gone off the deep end. Like…I need to throw you a life vest because you are drowning in crazy.

How to fix the problem:

Photo courtesy of: (http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/m/mutter.asp)

NTDL #25: Try on something you can’t afford

I didn’t want to listen to my friend when he first told me this…but eventually I took his advice.

He told me, “Rachael, you’s a window shopper, Mad at me, I think I know why…Rachael you’s a window shopper, in the jewelery store, looking at shit you can’t buy.”

My first response was, “Yo 50, I don’t buy jewelry! You must have seen my doppelganger (identical twin)…was she pretty?”

And then he was like”Everybody mad when their paper dont stack right, When I come around Rachael you better act right”

Then I was like “You make a good point man, except I’m kinda scared by your last comment…”

Anyways! The point being…

Don’t try on stuff you can’t afford.

1. It’s depressing- not only because you can’t afford it but because when you want something you can’t have you just want it more…and more…and more and that leads to…

2. Caving In – buying it and then being like “oh wow I could not afford that, I guess it’s just me and my oatmeal for dinner for the next few weeks/months/life”

Anyways. Lesson of the day…

You: I neeeeed those shoes!

50 says: “Shit man, the store owner watching you, ‘fore somethin’ get stolen, stolen, stolen”

I’d listen to him. He does have a stack of money in his hand after all…

NTDL #24: Forget your lip chap

One of the top 5 most distracting things…having dry lips.

I swear, when you need lip chap, it just consumes your attention.

No matter how much you lick your lips in attempt to relieve them from their dehydrated state, you just can’t!It just makes it worse…then you look like LL Cool J with your incessant lip licking and then insanity ensues….

Ways to avoid it? Buy 10 things of lip chap…and put them EVERYWHERE. One in your bag, one in your other bag, one in your other other bag, one in every coat pocket, one on your desk, one by your bed, one in the kitchen…maybe even put one in your mailbox (you know, in case you get locked out and your lips get dry waiting for someone to let you in).

Now! Go forth and take preventative measures!

Potential brands to help quench your dry lips:

May you never be burdened with dry lips again.

NTDL 19: Breathe within 10 meters of an Abercrombie store

So you are walking through the mall…

ALL OF A SUDDEN air starts thinning…you are becoming light headed…a toxic aroma begins to infiltrate your nostrils…

Yes. You guessed it. You are approaching an Abercrombie store.

I don’t know how many gallons of perfume they pump into the air on a daily basis…but my guess is an unhealthy amount considering the thick coating it leaves on any and everything that comes within 10 metres of it.

I use to have this silly game with myself where I’d hold my breath every time I walked by. Wait, who am I kidding. I still do that. It’s amazing how superstitions stick with you. You can assume I wasn’t one of those kids who shopped there…though if I was that would have really tested my lung capacity.

Anyways, I’m not hating on people who shop there…just their damaged sinuses.

NTDL #18: Wear colours while public speaking

It doesn’t matter how calm, cool and collected you are.

It doesn’t even matter what the temperature is.

What matters is that you are public speaking and you know what? Public speaking and the Sweat-Monster are bestfriends.

We like to think that “maybe for this presentation I can get away with wearing this light blue top” but no matter who, what, where or when…sweaty armpit syndrome is sure to follow.

I suggest sticking to a completely neutral colour palate when it comes to your wardrobe and that involves black, white and white…and black.

You can be adventurous if you feel so inclined. Maybe rock a black and white pattern, or a dark dark grey, or maybe even soft beige…BUT be warned. If you stray too far from your oh so trusty blacks and whites…no matter how fascinating your speech is…no matter how confident or even attractive you are…everyone is looking at your sweat stains.

(cough*all my profs*cough* so distracting*cough)

NTDL #13: Talk to someone who is on the verge of tears

Have you ever started getting teary eyed in public?

Have you ever had someone come up to you and ask “aw is everything okay?”

Was this question followed by you bursting into tears?

Now take this experience and don’t recreate it with someone else. I know, I know. The person asking if you are okay is well intentioned BUT good intentions can be misinterpreted THUS send a feeling of “back the f*** off, I don’t want to cry hysterically in public and you talking to me is only going to make these temporarily held back waterworks flood this damn room.” It’s like…when you’re walking outside on a beautiful sunny day and it starts to drizzle a bit. You are thinking “oh this will just pass quickly, this wasn’t in the forecast” and then Mother Nature decides to ask Rain if he’s feeling okay and why he is drizzling on a beautiful sunny day and then…WOOOOOSSHHH. Sheets of rain. You are soaked. You were obviously wearing a white shirt (you think Hollywood does it to add sexuality to movies but I swear I’m always wearing a white shirt when it rains).

Moral of the story…

Image Vs. Image

Wait till the coast is clear OR bring an emotionally stable life-jacket.

NTDL #6: Take out new pack of gum while with large group of people

We’ve all done it.

You: Maybe your breath smells, or you just want to chew something. You remember you just bought a new pack of gum. You casually take out this new pack of gum. You take a piece. Right before you put it away someone asks…

Person: “Oh hey! Can I have a piece?”

You: Being the nice person you are, you respond “Sure!” BUT little did you know everyone within 100 yards of you took note of your nonchalant attitude and proceeded with…

40 other people: “Could I have one too?” Maybe a please was thrown in there but let’s be real…your pack of gum is no more. RIP.

Poor guy…didn’t stand a chance.

NTDL #2: Be a Cubicle Clone

What is a “Cubicle Clone”?

The following image depicts exactly what I am talking about.

I don’t want to sit around in the same chair, doing the same stuff, at the same time, day in and day out. BUT as all things on this blog, it’s a personal opinion of mine and I’m a firm believer in to each his/her own! If you are not claustrophobic, like regimented schedules and don’t mind sitting a lot…by all means take this job before I’m ever offered it 😉