NTDL #43: “I’ll Start Tomorrow”

Every. Damn. Day.

I have something everyday that I will “start tomorrow”.

What a terrible terrible terrible habit to have. You know why? Because it leads you to having a Not-To-Do-List. You would be shocked at how long I was going to “start my blog tomorrow”. All of these things “not to do” just building up inside my head…I was bound to get nothing done. BUT despite this very progressively detrimental flaw, I did eventually crawl out from underneath my procrastination rock (it’s a very big rock…more like a boulder) and started this blog.

Irony? I’m writing this post because I’m going to “start studying for my midterm tomorrow”

Common things we are going to “start tomorrow”:

1. A diet – If you have never done this, you are lying to yourself. By diet I mean eating better or less or healthier or…etc.

2. Waking up early – You aren’t going to hit that snooze button…more than 3 times.

3. Working out – You are going to get active today! Especially since you already slipped up on your diet after you slept in and grabbed a doughnut and muffin on your way to work. But then since you are running late you take the elevator instead of the stairs, and by the time you leave work…the only energy you have left is to drive to the drive-thru and grab dinner.

4. A diet – Well since you failed on the diet above, there is always tomorrow. But seeing as there are 3 more hours left in THIS day, might as well eat everything in sight because technically if you eat it NOW you won’t eat it later. (I use this reasoning faaar too often)

5. Studying/ getting lots of work done – You had good intentions. Then you realized your internet connection was super speedy so you decided to watch The Big Bang Theory while browsing Twitter, creeping Facebook photos AND downloading the new Taylor Swift album. 4 hours later…

6. Getting more sleep – You are for sure going to go to bed early tonight! But wait, remember all that stuff you didn’t do earlier? Yeah…it still needs to get done. You’ll get it done tonight and start fresh tomorrow. Don’t sweat it. This is a fool proof plan.

So! In honor of all my “Start Tomorrow” pals, let’s promise each other that we will actually start our goals tomorrow! Even though this is very unlikely, let’s just toy with the prospect of it coming true. Ahh…I’m feeling more optimistic already. I think I’ll celebrate with a PB&J sandwich and starting a new TV series.


NTDL #42: The Fundraising Fatty

I have one question.

Who came up with the idea of selling chocolate bars to raise money?

  1. They are a genius
  2. I dislike you a lot

Think about it. A little kid comes up to you and asks you in a soft almost quivering voice: “would you like to buy a chocolate bar? I’m raising money for the homeless shelter”

Okay. Stop right there. I am at a serious disadvantage here. Not only do they have the benefit of that adorable wide-eyed “I’m so innocent and care about people still” look BUT they are also raising money for a good cause! I have no chance, no choice…check mate! Making me question my selflessness while dangling a sugary indulgence in front of me…WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE.

In my head – Ohhh surrre, act all innocent. Just standing there, with all your will power and such. That’s cool. Do your thing. Prey on the weak. We’ll both see who the righteous one is come judgement day (not sure when this is…maybe halloween…or my next doctor’s appointment…or my stint on the biggest loser).

Anyways. So much for that diet I never started because I ran into a kid selling candy apples yesterday for the Hurricane Sandy relief efforts. You know what? Why don’t you sell umbrellas! I’d buy one. It would be a win-win. You’d make money AND I would not feel guilty about eating a chocolate bar (though it’s usually plural) that I bought AND I would have an umbrella (I really need one).

Oh! and another thing! Say you were all like:

“I’m not eating junk food for the next week. I’ve eaten terribly lately”.

And then…POOF! This kid approaches YOU!

Wide eyes and all…

Whether it was in front of a grocery store, at a sporting event OR the worst of all…

…your front door.

Well, it must be a sign then! You were not meant to eat healthy. If junk finds YOU, then you are in the clear! It should be “guilt free” because your conscience was in the right place…you gave money to a good cause, and gave sugar to your overly active sweet tooth.

But let’s be honest here. We never really give those kids 2 dollars because we want to support whatever they are doing. We are selfish and want candy.

Nuff said.